Conquered I have, Conquer I Will

I, J.Clark Gardner, have achieved the unthinkable. I have embarked on the impossible and prevailed. I have done what every man and woman dreams of, but few have had the courage and fortitude to bring to pass.

I have dominated the beast that is the Rubik’s Cube.

In 1974, a Hungarian sculptor and architect named Ernő Rubik invented a six-sided mechanical puzzle he called the "Magic Cube," completely unaware of the mental and emotional calamity it would bring upon humankind. Renamed the “Rubik’s Cube” and distributed by Ideal Toys in 1980, the puzzle became a worldwide craze, flooding the hearts of men and women with frustration, anguish, and defeat at every turn. Today, an estimated 300,000,000 official and imitation cubes now occupy the dusty attics and forgotten junk drawers of the world.

Many of these cubes—nay, the vast majority of them—remain unsolved. But not mine. Under the tutelage of a wise coworker and with the aid of a modern technology referred to as “You Tube,” I gained the skills necessary to conquer the Rubik’s Cube. And conquer it I do, nearly every day, while watching television detective shows or conversing with my wife.

And I will be sure to do it in front of you, too, so you can be either completely jealous or completely confused at my determination to achieve this feat.