OK, So, Now What?

Guess I’m done with my bachelor’s degree. A couple follow up calls to make sure the transcripts get to U, and that’s it. So now what?

I remember walking home from school in fourth grade and asking Billy Anders if he was going to go to college, and he said yes, he was. Me too, I said. That was fourteen years ago. Now I’m done. So now what? What do I do now that I’ve accomplished a task that’s consistently been looming in my subconscious for eight years?

Easy. I realize that a bachelor’s degree in English isn’t all that impressive and go study for the GRE.

Long Live Pills

I love pills. Pills are a gift from the gods. Long live pills.

Pills help me sleep, pills help me calm down, pills help me stay happy, and pills help my heartburn go away.

I take pills to dislodge my mucus, pills to help my digestion work better, pills to raise my HDL cholesterol, and pills to ease the pain of headaches.

I enjoy taking pills that fortify my digestive tract, pills that contain vitamins and minerals, pills to help my eyesight improve, and pills that boost my immune system.

I love my pills that help my hair grow more full and thick, pills that make my fingernails more sturdy and healthy, pills that help the cartilage in my ears form in a manner congruent to the shape of my head, pills that increase my ability to memorize new fractions and vocabulary words for the GRE, and pills that open up my third eye to the secrets of the 5th and 6th dimensions.

I can’t live without my pills that make green look blue, wrong look right, and meat smell like a rolling meadow of wildflowers and blueberries. I must have my pills that make all my food taste like minty chocolaty goodness and turn every word I read into a smiling, singing song that jumps up and gives my heart a warm, hearty hug.

I love my pills. I need my pills. I live to praise and serve them. Don’t you?

Consider the Egg

Eggs. Aren’t they weird? I mean, when you really think about it?

Practically on a daily basis, we are all eating chicken ovums surrounded by layers of membranes, cracked free from their outer casing. Strange when you stop to think about it.

And yet they are so delicious, so good for you, and so versatile as a means of cooking. Since embarking on my mission of counting my calories and shrinking my slightly-less-rotund tum, I have eaten a lot of eggs. Egg whites, actually. An interesting thing about eggs is that the most yummy bit, the vitellus (yolk), is full of cholesterol. 70% of your daily intake, which is a lot. So I just eat the albumen (white). Less delicious, but a lot better for my cholesterol, which has dropped significantly since I gave up meat and started eating only egg albumens.

So, the next time you’re cooking up a meal or thinking of a snack, consider the egg. High in protein and taste, these little oval ovums won’t let you down.