Long Live Pills

I love pills. Pills are a gift from the gods. Long live pills.

Pills help me sleep, pills help me calm down, pills help me stay happy, and pills help my heartburn go away.

I take pills to dislodge my mucus, pills to help my digestion work better, pills to raise my HDL cholesterol, and pills to ease the pain of headaches.

I enjoy taking pills that fortify my digestive tract, pills that contain vitamins and minerals, pills to help my eyesight improve, and pills that boost my immune system.

I love my pills that help my hair grow more full and thick, pills that make my fingernails more sturdy and healthy, pills that help the cartilage in my ears form in a manner congruent to the shape of my head, pills that increase my ability to memorize new fractions and vocabulary words for the GRE, and pills that open up my third eye to the secrets of the 5th and 6th dimensions.

I can’t live without my pills that make green look blue, wrong look right, and meat smell like a rolling meadow of wildflowers and blueberries. I must have my pills that make all my food taste like minty chocolaty goodness and turn every word I read into a smiling, singing song that jumps up and gives my heart a warm, hearty hug.

I love my pills. I need my pills. I live to praise and serve them. Don’t you?