Well You're Invited!

Well, hi! Turly Peterfield here, coal miner at the old Dry Rock Mine outside Nickel City. Gotta say we have a great celebration lined up for the 145th Anniversary of the old mine, and well, you’re invited!

Rumor has it that the mine proprietor, Old Mr. Gunnison himself, may drop down in his personal heli-pod and make an appearance, too! Old Mr. Gunnison, bless him, has been such a benefactor to us employees, hasn’t he? Remember that time Scrawny Willis got appendage blown off in a mine accident, and Old Mr. Gunnison bought him a pizza lunch? And even breadsticks? What a fine man!

And now this celebration! With a real live karaoke machine! I hear nobody’s going to come!

- Turly Peterfield, Coal Miner

Professor Hanley McGormick Needs You

A fine morning greeting, colleagues. Though I probably need no introduction, there is a slight chance that some of you in the audience that may not know who I am. I am Professor Hanley McGormick of Century University.

And I've done it again.

Oh, you'll be getting plenty of information about it in the papers. They always did have a way of proclaiming my accomplishments in the headlines in bold, black, inky letters:

McCORMICK HAS ANOTHER BREAKTHROUGH

PROFESSOR MAKES NEW SHOCKING DISCOVERY

McCORMICK DOES IT AGAIN

And the thing is, they're always right! Always right. Makes my heart smile just thinking about it.

I'm not joking!

- Professor Hanley McGormick, Century University